Would you let your mother leave the house dressed like a tart on a bender?
Jennifer Lopez appeared at the Billboard Music Awards show in Las Vegas Sunday nearly starkers, clad in a navel-and-side-boob-baring silvery getup that looked as if she were stuffed into an aluminum can that burst open around her.
The Charbel Zoe-designed schmatta made her look like a middle-aged songbird desperately attempting to draw attention to her bod before the treacherous effects of gravity kick in. For here was a 45-year-old dame badly in need of a brassiere, an emergency fashion intervention and a full-length mirror.
Has J.Lo, who is set to start a concert residency in Vegas this coming January, helped to desensitize the public to the sight of exposed breasts and posteriors displayed like fresh pastries by attention-craving celebrities?
J.Lo, you’re a mother! Dress like one.
“She makes me want to cry,’’ said my friend Sandy, a Brooklyn mother of two girls.
“Now I have to explain to my 13-year-old daughter that nice girls leave something to the imagination,’’ she said.
Lopez is the mom of 7-year-old twins with ex-husband Marc Anthony, a boy and a girl old enough to be scarred for life by a parent’s desperate attempts to remain relevant in a society that’s grown clothing-optional for filthy-rich stars.
The “Booty” singer and narcissistic actress was not the first to go this route.
Singer/actress Cher scandalized CBS TV censors when she revealed her belly button on “The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour’’ in the 1970s. Janet Jackson enraged a still-shockable audience by flashing a boob in a “wardrobe malfunction” during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show in Houston.
How innocent that all seems today.
Lopez was an early advocate for the trend of throwing on an outfit, and nearly missing. In 2000, she showed up in an eye-popping see-through green silk chiffon Versace gown slit from her neck to her nether regions at the Grammy Awards ceremony in Los Angeles.
She was outdone last year by Barbados-born singer Rihanna. RiRi showed off her nipples and exposed a backside obfuscated only by a thong at the Council of Fashion Designers of America awards show gala in New York City, wearing an indecent, sheer dress decorated with 216,000 Swarovski crystals that no one noticed.
Pop star Miley Cyrus twerked lasciviously in a nude-colored Latex bikini against then-married 36-year-old singer Robin Thicke at the 2013 MTV Music Awards show ceremony in Brooklyn. Then, Kim Kardashian eclipsed them all.
The 34-year-old reality TV star and wife of rap mogul Kanye West, mommy to toddler daughter North West, ignited a national conversation about morality, taste and motherly exhibitionism with her “Internet-breaking” photo shoot in Paper magazine this year. She stripped down to her birthday suit and showed off her rotund hindquarters like a pair of oiled and ample ripe melons.
These women would likely be tossed out of high-school proms around the country, as school administrators ban sheer and midriff-baring outfits.
It took another celebrity, ironically one who has made the scene in dresses slit to her crotch, to state the obvious. “Glee’’ TV actress Naya Rivera scolded Kardashian in a comment she posted to the Instagram feed in which the female half of Kimye posted her Paper pics.
“I normally don’t,’’ wrote Rivera. “But…you’re someone’s mother…’’
“It is starting to look like Tawana Brawley is orchestrating the Sharpton trial strategy,” joked CNN legal analyst Paul Callan. Brawley lied when she cooked up a rape hoax, promoted by the Rev. Al Sharpton in the 1980s.
Sharpton’s daughter, Dominique, 28, filed a $5 million lawsuit against New York Citylast month, claiming that “she still sufferers and will continue to suffer for some time physical pain and bodily injuries’’ after allegedly spraining her ankle in a Manhattan crosswalk.
Give up the lawsuit, mountain climber. This city has seen too many shakedown artists.
Wanted: Anchor management
It’s another sign that network TV news is going down the tubes: A rich, pampered, supposedly politically neutral talking head was revealed to harbor deep biases.
George Stephanopoulos, 54, ABC’s chief anchorman and chief political correspondent, a co-host for “Good Morning America’’ and host of “This Week,’’ who last year signed a seven-year, $105 million contract with the network, admitted last week that he hasdonated $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation since 2011, and failed to explicitly disclose this to his bosses and to the public.
In contrast, suspended NBC anchorman and managing editor Brian Williams’ idiotic conflations only made him appear macho rather than unethical.
Stephanopoulos, who rose to the position of senior adviser to former President Bill Clinton, cannot be seen as objective while reporting on the race being waged for the Democratic presidential nomination by Hillary Rodham Clinton. The network must dump him. I’m amazed that he has survived this long.
Pol’s unholy whine
New York state Sen. Ruben Diaz Sr. of The Bronx, a Pentecostal minister, is furious at city Comptroller Scott Stringer. Diaz whined in an e-newsletter that Stringer rescinded the offer of a job to his wife, Leslie Diaz, after a video emerged of Mr. and Mrs. Diaz participating in a protest against same-sex marriage, The Post’s Carl Campanile reported. (Stringer’s spokeswoman denies that Leslie Diaz was ever offered a job.)
No, I’m not happy that Leslie Diaz allegedly lost a job because she exercised her constitutionally protected rights to free speech, free assembly and freedom of religion. I’m appalled that one elected official could try to pressure another into employing his spouse in his taxpayer-funded office.
Rich-&-famous rules fall ‘flat’
I haven’t teetered about on insanely high heels since I fell on my face during the George W. Bush administration, and I’m not about to change my footwear habits to satisfy a bunch of shoe freaks.
So it’s a good thing that I’d be too bored to attend any galas at the Cannes Film Festival in France, where security guards have turned away females in flats — even from the screening of a movie about a lesbian romance.
Why this fixation on ladies’ feet?
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Celebutards –The Hollywood Hacks, Limousine Liberals, and Pandering Politicians Who Are Destroying America
Andrea Peyser is a columnist for the New York Post, writing on the social and political issues important to Americans.
Her commentary has brought her awards from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and Columnist of the Year from the New York State Associated Press