Caitlyn might as well go back to being Bruce
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By Andrea Peyser
May 16, 2016

Caitlyn might as well go back to being Bruce

Was it all a big, fat, transgender oopsie?

Is Caitlyn Jenner, the most fabulous trans individual ever to strap a bra over budding boobs and squeeze wrinkly buns into extra-extra-large pantyhose, ready to hang up her high heels, trash her female hormones and return to life as a mannamed Bruce?

It makes sense. A depraved, twisted kind of sense. As if the public has been played by a mistress, toying with our heads like kittens with string. For Cait is a devious narcissist who learned her craft at the feet of the Kardashian clan, the most shameless, self-absorbed, attention-seeking hucksters ever to roam the reality-TV universe — until Cait.

I’m not transphobic in the least. I support people’s rights to live, work, date and marry as the genders with which they self-identify. (I just want any stranger equipped with junk to keep the hell out of my bathroom.)

Ian Halperin, author of “Kardashian Dynasty: The Controversial Rise of America’s Royal Family’’ (Simon & Schuster), argues convincingly that Cait suffers from a wicked case of buyer’s remorse, and is set to “de-transition’’ back into a dude within the next three years. Halperin left the claim out of his book because, he says, he didn’t have sufficient confirmation. Until now.

Caitlyn’s rep vigorously denies that Team Female is to lose this lady.

But her Christian values and deep-seated homophobia, Halperin told The Post’s Page Six, are at odds with her dalliance with a crew whose members pee sitting down.

To me, Cait revealed her discomfort with wearing lipstick when she came out as a Republican to ABC’s Diane Sawyer last year. This puts her politically and ideologically, if not stylistically, in step with North Carolina’s GOP governor. He signed into law a measure prohibiting pre-op transgenders from using the state’s public-school and government bathrooms and locker rooms except as traditionally assigned — infuriating leftist celebs such as Bruce Springsteen and setting the stage for a court showdown between North Carolina officials and the Obama administration.

In a fit of spewing too-much-information, Cait announced that she’s still attracted to women. On her cringe-worthy E! reality TV show, “I Am Cait,’’ she said she doesn’t plan to bed m en until such time when, and if, she chooses to have her penis surgically removed, a step she ’s unenviously conflicted about taking. This means that the God-fearing, conservative, possibly queer-unfriendly former man in a dress is a lesbian.

My head hurts.

I haven’t a clue what goes on 6 feet, 2 inches above the ground, where the top of Caitlyn’s cranium resides. I do know that she’s a soulless fame-seeker whose drug of choice is cheap publicity. The kind she has won for reportedly agreeing to pose, starkers, for a photo on the cover of Sports Illustrated magazine this summer, her male bits obscured by an American flag and the Olympic gold medal she won as a he in 1976.

Somewhere, Betsy Ross weeps. Jesse Owens is appalled. At Caitlyn’s mature age of 66, defiling a flag and a medal by using them as loincloths is not just unpatriotic and potentially unsanitary. It’s visually gross.

Halperin insists that his sources are right about Cait’s change of heart. “She has good spin doctors and good publicists,” he told Page Six. “They can deny it all they want. . . Take a polygraph test and let’s see who’s telling the truth.”

Cait has set herself up as the leading champion of transgender civil rights. But people I’ve talked with who contend they were born with the wrong genitals refuse to take life lessons from a rich right-wing phony.

Caitlyn Jenner might as well go back to being Bruce Jenner.

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