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Kardashian, Lopez, Minaj bring pride to asses everywhere
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By Andrea Peyser
November 14, 2014

Kardashian, Lopez, Minaj bring pride to asses everywhere

It is a sight to behold and more than enough to hold on to. I call your attention to a masterpiece for the ages: The Botticelli of booties. The Degas of derrieres. The Rembrandt of rear ends. In all of its unblemished magnificence, it’s — Kim Kardashian’s buttocks.

This is serious.

Like a curvaceous vision of bodily excess, the 34-year-old reality-TV star and wife of rapper Kanye West, 37, a lady who rocketed to fame by appearing in a sex tape, graces the winter issue of Paper magazine. In a cover shot posted Tuesday on the Instagram account of the female half of Kimye, the matron’s generously proportioned twin cheeks are oiled up, the owner unembarrassed by the embarrassment of riches.

In another photo, she balances a champagne glass on her rump. “And they say I didn’t have a talent,’’ she tweeted. “Try balancing a champagne glass on your ass. LOL.’’

Then, in pictures revealed Wednesday, the not-so-demure mother of baby North goes full-frontal nude, wearing nothing but a pearl choker and a vapid imagination. She shouldn’t have bothered.

Boobs are so early 2014. This is The Age of the Butt.

The mag’s coverline reads: “Break the Internet Kim Kardashian.’’ It’s time we broke with tradition and learned to love the lowly caboose. Embrace it. Forgive it. Own it. One’s gluteus maximus suffers the indignity of rarely seeing daylight as it’s sat upon like an old sofa while serving unpleasant bodily functions. But as Bob Dylan sang, “I feel a change comin’ on.’’

“Gym classes that promise a plump posterior are in high demand. A surgery that pumps fat into the buttocks is gaining popularity. And padded panties that give the appearance of a rounder rump are selling out. The US booty business is getting a big bump,’’ reads a breathless dispatch. These words did not appear in some girly magazine or porn site. They were presented this week by the staid Associated Press.

“I was terrorized by my butt. I thought about it every day. I hated it,’’ Kathy Bishop, a 52-year-old Internet content specialist from New York City, told me. But recently, the cultural butt love expressed in rap music has helped Bishop make peace with her oversized backside. “I have a butt and I’m proud of it.’’

Heinie power is not entirely new. Rapper Sir Mix-a-Lot rhapsodized about buxom hindquarters in his 1992 anthem, “Baby Got Back.’’

(Sample lyrics: “I like big butts and I cannot lie.’’)

But in the past few months, ladies have celebrated their ample rears in song. Nicki Minaj raps about her “big, fat’’ behind in “Anaconda.’’ In a music video for “Booty,’’ generously proportioned singer Jennifer Lopez (pictured) rubs her groove thing against that of Australian rapper Iggy Azalea.

Park Avenue plastic surgeon Dr. Scott Newman told me that 13 years ago, “almost zero’’ of his patients requested bigger bottoms. But with the rise to fame of booty-ful Lopez, about a dozen years ago, women, mainly Hispanics and African-Americans, started asking him to save fat sucked from their bellies and love handles during liposuction and injected into neglected places. “I want a butt like J.Lo,’’ one woman after another told him.

Today, Newman, who has offices in New York City as well as on Long Island and in Westchester, performs 75 to 100 procedures known as Brazilian butt lifts, at a cost of $6,000 to $12,000 per fanny.

It seems that body issues will never disappear entirely. Asked on Twitter if she planned to run in the New York City Marathon, as did her Danish tennis pal, Caroline Wozniacki, Serena Williams responded, “My ass is too big.’’ You’re fabulously fit, Serena!

Women (and some men) finally get it. Stick figures are out. Real bodies are in. Thank you for sharing your stuff, Kim Kardashian.

Your talent has not gone to waste.

©2007-2021 Andrea Peyser and andreapeyser.com; No Reuse without permission.
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